Leading with Compassion: Strict with Self, Tolerant with Others
Leadership in the modern world is as much about emotional intelligence as it is about achieving results. A great leader not only sets high standards for themselves but also cultivates an environment where others feel valued, supported, and empowered to grow. This dual responsibility requires a balance of personal discipline and interpersonal empathy—two qualities captured in the timeless Stoic principle: “Be strict with yourself and tolerant with others.”
At first glance, this principle might seem simple, but its application in leadership is profound. Being strict with yourself means holding yourself accountable to high standards, maintaining discipline, and ensuring consistency in your actions and decisions. It’s about leading by example, demonstrating integrity, and modeling the behaviors you expect from others. This self-discipline builds trust and respect, as your team sees you embody the values you promote.
On the other hand, being tolerant with others is about extending empathy, patience, and understanding to the people you lead. It means recognizing that everyone brings unique strengths, challenges, and perspectives to the table. A tolerant leader sees mistakes not as failures but as opportunities for growth, and they foster a culture where team members feel safe to innovate, take risks, and learn from their experiences.
Together, these qualities form the foundation of compassionate leadership—a style of leadership that balances the pursuit of excellence with the importance of human connection. In today’s fast-paced and often high-pressure work environments, this balance is more critical than ever. Teams need leaders who can provide clear direction and hold themselves accountable, but who also inspire confidence and trust by responding to challenges with understanding and grace.
This blog post will explore how the Stoic principle of being “strict with yourself and tolerant with others” can transform your leadership style. We’ll delve into the role of self-discipline, the importance of tolerance, and how to navigate the delicate balance between these two forces. Whether you’re a seasoned leader or just beginning your leadership journey, the lessons within this principle offer a roadmap to fostering a more compassionate, effective, and resilient team.
Leadership is not about perfection—it’s about intention. By embracing this principle, you can lead with clarity, empathy, and strength, creating a workplace where accountability and support coexist. Let’s explore how this timeless Stoic wisdom can guide you in leading with compassion and balance.
Understanding the Stoic Principle in Leadership
Leadership, at its core, is an intricate balance of discipline and compassion. To lead effectively, one must possess the ability to hold themselves to the highest standards while extending understanding and patience to others. This duality is beautifully encapsulated in the Stoic principle: “Be strict with yourself and tolerant with others.”
What It Means to Be Strict with Yourself
Being strict with yourself as a leader begins with a commitment to self-discipline and personal accountability. It’s about creating a framework of high expectations—not for the sake of perfection, but to model integrity and consistency for others. A leader who demands excellence from themselves builds credibility, inspiring their team to aim higher.
For example, imagine a manager who prioritizes punctuality, preparation, and follow-through. When the team sees this behavior consistently, they’re more likely to emulate it. This strictness isn’t rooted in self-criticism but in the pursuit of excellence that benefits everyone under the leader’s guidance. Leaders who embrace this mindset recognize that their actions speak louder than their words.
What It Means to Be Tolerant with Others
On the flip side, being tolerant with others means fostering an environment where imperfection is not a flaw but an opportunity for growth. People make mistakes. They miss deadlines, miscommunicate, or fall short of expectations. A leader practicing tolerance views these moments not as failures but as chances to teach, support, and nurture.
Tolerance requires empathy—the ability to step into another’s shoes and see the world through their lens. A leader who is tolerant understands that not everyone operates under the same circumstances, skills, or pressures. By embracing this understanding, they create an atmosphere of trust and psychological safety. When people feel safe, they’re more willing to take risks and innovate without the fear of harsh judgment.
The Connection to Emotional Intelligence
This Stoic principle aligns seamlessly with the concept of emotional intelligence, a key trait of effective leadership. Emotional intelligence involves self-awareness, self-regulation, and empathy. Leaders with high emotional intelligence naturally embody the balance of being strict with themselves—remaining composed and accountable—while being tolerant with others, encouraging growth through kindness and understanding.
By incorporating this Stoic framework, leaders can transform how they engage with their teams. They develop a style of leadership that values accountability without rigidity, compassion without complacency. This harmony fosters an environment where individuals feel motivated to succeed and supported in their journeys.
This principle, timeless yet profoundly modern, sets the foundation for leadership that is as empowering as it is effective. It demands discipline but also rewards trust—a combination that paves the way for a team’s growth and success.
The Role of Self-Discipline in Leadership
Leadership isn’t just about guiding others; it starts with guiding yourself. Self-discipline is the foundation of effective leadership because it sets the tone for how you make decisions, solve problems, and interact with others. When leaders practice self-discipline, they become role models for their teams, inspiring trust, respect, and a shared commitment to excellence.
Leading by Example
The most impactful leaders lead by example. Self-discipline demonstrates a leader’s willingness to hold themselves accountable to the same (or higher) standards they expect from others. When team members observe a leader consistently meeting deadlines, staying composed under pressure, and maintaining a focus on goals, they are more likely to follow suit.
For instance, consider a leader who always comes prepared to meetings, listens actively, and delivers on promises. These behaviors signal to the team that discipline is not just a rule to follow but a value to embody. This consistency fosters respect and encourages employees to mirror the same level of responsibility in their work.
Building Credibility Through Consistency
Self-discipline ensures that leaders remain consistent in their actions and decisions. Consistency is crucial because it builds credibility—teams trust leaders who are predictable in their fairness, reliability, and adherence to principles.
Imagine a manager who occasionally loses focus, fails to follow through on plans, or changes priorities on a whim. Even if they have good intentions, their lack of discipline erodes trust and creates confusion. On the other hand, a disciplined leader instills confidence by staying aligned with their goals and values, even when faced with challenges.
Fostering Long-Term Vision Over Short-Term Gratification
A disciplined leader prioritizes long-term goals over immediate rewards. They resist distractions and fleeting temptations, focusing instead on what will bring sustained success to the team and organization. For example, a disciplined leader might delay implementing an exciting idea until they have fully researched its feasibility, ensuring it aligns with the team’s broader objectives.
This approach not only improves decision-making but also instills a culture of patience and persistence in the team. Employees learn to value thoughtful preparation and steady progress, rather than rushing to achieve results at the expense of quality or sustainability.
Practical Strategies for Developing Self-Discipline
Time Management: Leaders should prioritize tasks, set realistic deadlines, and avoid procrastination. Tools like planners or digital task managers can help keep them organized and on track.
Mindfulness and Reflection: Practicing mindfulness helps leaders stay present and focused, while regular reflection ensures their actions align with their values. For example, journaling about daily challenges can reveal patterns of behavior to improve upon.
Accountability Partners: Sharing goals with a mentor, peer, or coach can provide an extra layer of accountability and motivation to maintain discipline.
Daily Habits: Discipline thrives on routine. Simple habits, like starting the day with a to-do list or setting aside time for learning, can build a framework for consistent effort.
The Ripple Effect of Self-Discipline
When leaders practice self-discipline, the impact extends far beyond their individual actions. Their commitment creates a culture where discipline becomes a shared value. Teams take cues from their leader’s behavior, embracing habits of consistency, accountability, and focus. The result? A more cohesive, resilient, and high-performing group.
Ultimately, self-discipline is about taking ownership of one’s role as a leader. It’s not about perfection but about showing up every day with intention, commitment, and a willingness to hold oneself to a higher standard. By doing so, leaders lay the groundwork for a team that follows with confidence and purpose.
The Importance of Tolerance in Leadership
Tolerance is an often underestimated but essential component of effective leadership. It involves creating an environment where mistakes are viewed as opportunities, differences are celebrated, and growth is encouraged. A leader’s ability to demonstrate patience and understanding has a profound impact on team morale, trust, and performance.
Empathy as a Cornerstone of Leadership
At the heart of tolerance is empathy—the capacity to understand and share the feelings of others. A tolerant leader doesn’t rush to judgment when team members fall short of expectations. Instead, they seek to understand the underlying causes, whether it’s a skills gap, personal challenges, or systemic obstacles.
For example, imagine an employee who consistently misses deadlines. A leader practicing tolerance wouldn’t immediately resort to reprimands. Instead, they might schedule a one-on-one conversation to uncover the root cause. Is the employee overwhelmed with tasks? Are they lacking the resources or training needed to succeed? By addressing these questions with empathy, the leader not only helps the individual improve but also strengthens the relationship.
Recognizing Individual Strengths and Challenges
Every team is made up of individuals with unique strengths, weaknesses, and perspectives. Tolerant leaders acknowledge and embrace these differences rather than trying to fit everyone into a rigid mold. This approach fosters inclusivity and helps team members feel valued for who they are.
Consider a scenario where a team member is highly creative but struggles with organization. A tolerant leader would find ways to leverage the individual’s creativity while supporting them in developing organizational skills. By doing so, the leader ensures that the team benefits from the person’s strengths while addressing areas for growth constructively.
Encouraging a Growth Mindset
Tolerance plays a key role in cultivating a growth mindset within the team. Leaders who focus on potential rather than perfection create a culture where employees feel safe to experiment, innovate, and learn from their mistakes.
For instance, instead of punishing an employee for a failed project, a tolerant leader might say, “This didn’t go as planned, but let’s analyze what happened and see what we can learn for next time.” This approach not only reframes failure as a learning experience but also reinforces the idea that mistakes are a natural part of growth.
Balancing Accountability with Understanding
Tolerance doesn’t mean ignoring poor performance or allowing substandard work to go unchecked. Instead, it’s about finding a balance between holding people accountable and offering support. Leaders can achieve this by:
Setting clear expectations: Employees perform better when they know what’s expected of them. Clarity reduces misunderstandings and provides a benchmark for accountability.
Providing constructive feedback: Tolerant leaders deliver feedback in a way that is supportive, specific, and focused on improvement rather than blame.
Offering resources for improvement: Whether it’s training, mentorship, or additional tools, leaders should equip their team members with the means to grow.
The Power of Psychological Safety
Tolerance creates psychological safety—a condition where team members feel secure in expressing themselves without fear of ridicule or retribution. Psychological safety has been shown to improve team dynamics, boost creativity, and drive innovation. When employees know their leader will respond to challenges with patience and understanding, they are more likely to take initiative and share bold ideas.
Anecdote: Tolerance in Action
Consider the story of a renowned CEO who faced a crisis when a high-profile project failed due to a team member’s oversight. Instead of firing the employee, the CEO used the incident as a teaching moment, working with the individual to identify and address gaps in the process. The employee went on to lead a subsequent project that became one of the company’s greatest successes. This story illustrates how tolerance, paired with guidance, can turn setbacks into stepping stones.
Practical Strategies for Practicing Tolerance
Active Listening: Make a habit of fully listening to team members before responding. This helps leaders understand their concerns and challenges more deeply.
Assume Positive Intent: Approach every situation with the belief that people are doing their best. This mindset fosters patience and reduces unnecessary conflict.
Practice Patience: When faced with mistakes or delays, pause before reacting. Taking time to reflect often leads to more measured and effective responses.
Celebrate Effort, Not Just Results: Recognize and appreciate the hard work and progress team members make, even if the outcome isn’t perfect.
The Ripple Effect of Tolerance
A tolerant leader doesn’t just create a more harmonious team—they also inspire loyalty and dedication. Employees are more likely to stay with and perform for leaders who treat them with understanding and respect. Over time, tolerance fosters a culture of collaboration, mutual support, and shared success, benefiting the organization as a whole.
In the end, tolerance is a demonstration of strength, not weakness. It requires leaders to look beyond immediate frustrations and focus on the bigger picture: empowering their team to reach its full potential. This patience and empathy are what set exceptional leaders apart.
Balancing Strictness and Tolerance: The Leadership Paradox
Effective leadership requires walking a tightrope between being strict with oneself and tolerant with others. While these principles might seem contradictory, they actually complement each other, forming the foundation for strong, balanced leadership. Mastering this paradox involves holding yourself to high standards while showing patience and understanding toward your team. This balance can be challenging, but it is critical for creating a culture of trust, accountability, and growth.
The Tension Between Accountability and Empathy
The paradox lies in the tension between accountability and empathy. Leaders must remain disciplined and unwavering in their commitment to values, goals, and self-improvement, but they must also create space for others to grow, make mistakes, and learn.
If a leader leans too heavily toward strictness, they risk becoming authoritarian, demanding perfection from themselves and others. This approach can stifle creativity, breed resentment, and lead to burnout. Conversely, if they are overly tolerant, they may appear inconsistent, overly lenient, or indifferent, which can undermine accountability and productivity.
Balancing these two forces is not about compromise—it’s about applying each principle in the right measure, at the right time.
Avoiding Extremes
When Strictness Goes Too Far
Leaders who are excessively strict may struggle to delegate, micromanage their teams, or react harshly to mistakes. This approach can:Reduce team morale and motivation.
Create a culture of fear rather than trust.
Lead to burnout, both for the leader and the team.
To avoid this pitfall, leaders should remember that perfection is not the goal—progress is. Instead of demanding flawless execution, they can focus on clear communication and continuous improvement.
When Tolerance Turns to Complacency
Being overly tolerant can lead to a lack of structure or accountability. Teams may begin to miss deadlines, produce subpar work, or lose sight of shared goals. This can:Slow down progress and innovation.
Create frustration among team members who are meeting expectations.
Erode the leader’s authority.
To counteract this, leaders should ensure that tolerance is paired with clear boundaries and expectations. Showing empathy doesn’t mean lowering standards—it means supporting people as they strive to meet them.
Frameworks for Achieving Balance
Set Clear Expectations
A well-balanced leader establishes clear, consistent expectations for themselves and their team. When people understand what is expected of them, they are more likely to meet those expectations, and the leader can focus on supporting them rather than enforcing rules.Tailor Your Approach
Not every situation or individual requires the same balance of strictness and tolerance. Leaders should assess the context:For new team members, prioritize tolerance by providing guidance and support.
For experienced employees, maintain a stricter focus on results and accountability.
Flexibility in leadership style is key to adapting to the needs of the moment.
Reflect on Personal Behavior
Leaders should regularly evaluate whether they are embodying their values and maintaining balance. Questions to consider include:Am I holding myself to the same high standards I expect of others?
Am I creating an environment where people feel safe to take risks and grow?
Am I overly critical of mistakes, or am I using them as opportunities for learning?
Real-Life Applications of the Balance
Balancing Tough Feedback with Support
When providing constructive criticism, strictness and tolerance go hand in hand. For example, if an employee misses a key deadline, the leader might say:“This delay impacted our timeline, which we need to avoid in the future. Let’s figure out what went wrong and how I can help you prevent this from happening again.”
This response communicates the importance of accountability while showing a willingness to support improvement.
Holding Yourself Accountable to Team Standards
Leaders should model the behavior they expect from their team. If punctuality is important, a leader must consistently arrive on time. If adaptability is a priority, the leader must demonstrate flexibility in their own work. By being strict with themselves, leaders earn the respect that allows them to set expectations for others.
The Benefits of Balancing Strictness and Tolerance
Increased Team Cohesion
When leaders balance these principles, they create a culture of fairness and mutual respect. Teams are more likely to work collaboratively, knowing their leader is both reliable and empathetic.Improved Performance
A leader who holds themselves to high standards inspires their team to rise to the challenge, while tolerance ensures that setbacks are met with solutions rather than blame.Stronger Trust and Loyalty
Employees trust leaders who are consistent in their expectations and understanding in their responses. This trust fosters loyalty, reducing turnover and enhancing engagement.
Balancing strictness and tolerance is not about being perfect—it’s about being intentional. Leaders who navigate this paradox with care create environments where both discipline and empathy thrive, enabling their teams to reach new heights. It requires self-awareness, adaptability, and a commitment to both excellence and compassion. In mastering this balance, leaders not only elevate their own performance but also empower those around them to grow and succeed.
Practical Applications for Everyday Leadership
Leadership isn’t confined to boardrooms or strategic meetings; it’s practiced in every interaction, decision, and response. Applying the Stoic principles of being strict with yourself and tolerant with others in day-to-day leadership ensures that these values translate into meaningful actions. Here are practical strategies leaders can use to embody these principles effectively.
Adopting a “Coach” Mentality
Great leaders act as coaches, guiding their teams toward success while allowing room for learning and development. Coaching requires a delicate balance of holding individuals accountable while supporting their growth.
Set Clear Goals: Like a sports coach, provide your team with well-defined objectives and measurable outcomes. Clear goals ensure everyone knows what success looks like and how their efforts contribute to it.
Offer Constructive Feedback: Approach mistakes as learning opportunities. For instance, after a failed project, instead of assigning blame, ask: “What can we do differently next time?” This helps the team focus on solutions rather than dwelling on problems.
Celebrate Progress: Coaches don’t just critique; they celebrate wins, no matter how small. Recognizing effort and improvement builds morale and motivates the team to keep striving.
Building Psychological Safety
Psychological safety is the foundation of a high-performing team. It allows people to share ideas, take risks, and admit mistakes without fear of ridicule or punishment.
Foster Open Communication: Encourage team members to voice concerns and share suggestions. A simple practice, such as starting meetings with an open-ended question like “What challenges are we facing this week?”, can make a big difference.
Model Vulnerability: Leaders who admit their own mistakes create an environment where others feel comfortable doing the same. Saying something like, “I made a mistake in how I approached that situation, and here’s what I learned,” humanizes leadership and builds trust.
Reframe Mistakes as Growth Opportunities: When a team member errs, focus on the lessons learned rather than the error itself. For example: “This didn’t work as planned, but let’s unpack why so we can improve moving forward.”
Using Stoic Journaling to Reflect on Leadership Behavior
Stoic journaling is a powerful tool for self-improvement and alignment with leadership values. Daily reflection helps leaders identify areas where they excel and where they can improve.
Prompts for Self-Reflection:
“Did I hold myself to my own standards today?”
“Did I respond with patience and understanding to my team’s challenges?”
“How did I balance strictness and tolerance in my decisions?”
Track Progress Over Time: Regular journaling allows leaders to observe patterns in their behavior and make gradual adjustments.
Plan for Tomorrow: End each journal entry by setting one small goal for the next day, such as listening more actively or giving clearer instructions.
Encouraging a Culture of Continuous Improvement
A leader’s role isn’t just to perform—it’s to inspire their team to grow and improve.
Conduct Regular Check-Ins: Schedule brief one-on-one meetings with team members to discuss progress, challenges, and goals. Use these sessions to provide guidance and offer support.
Invest in Training: Encourage team members to expand their skills by providing access to training programs, workshops, or mentorship opportunities.
Lead by Example: Show your commitment to growth by participating in learning activities yourself, such as taking courses, attending webinars, or seeking feedback from peers.
Practicing Fairness Through Consistent Boundaries
Consistency is key to maintaining fairness and trust. Leaders should clearly communicate expectations and apply them evenly across the team.
Set Non-Negotiables: Identify a few core principles or practices that are essential to team success, such as meeting deadlines or maintaining transparency. Enforce these consistently.
Be Flexible Within Limits: While some rules are non-negotiable, others may require adaptation based on individual circumstances. For example, if an employee is struggling due to personal challenges, consider adjusting their workload temporarily while maintaining overall accountability.
Provide Transparency: Share the reasoning behind decisions to avoid perceptions of favoritism or inconsistency. For instance, explain why a deadline must remain firm or why one employee received an exception.
Fostering Team Ownership
Empower your team by giving them autonomy and encouraging them to take responsibility for their work.
Delegate Effectively: Assign tasks with clear objectives and trust your team to execute them. Avoid micromanaging, but remain available for guidance when needed.
Encourage Problem-Solving: When team members come to you with challenges, resist the urge to provide immediate solutions. Instead, ask: “What do you think we should do?” This encourages critical thinking and ownership of outcomes.
Celebrate Team Successes: Acknowledge collective achievements and give credit where it’s due. For example, in a team meeting, highlight how individual contributions led to a successful project.
Creating a Balanced Leadership Style
Ultimately, the most effective leaders integrate strictness and tolerance seamlessly into their leadership style.
Be a Role Model: Demonstrate self-discipline in how you manage your time, make decisions, and uphold your commitments. Your team will take cues from your behavior.
Show Compassion: Recognize that every individual has unique challenges and strengths. Approach each situation with understanding while maintaining accountability.
Balance Short-Term and Long-Term Thinking: Apply strictness to immediate goals without losing sight of the bigger picture, and use tolerance to navigate setbacks along the way.
The practical applications of Stoic principles in everyday leadership are endless. From coaching team members to building psychological safety, fostering growth, and setting consistent boundaries, these strategies empower leaders to inspire, motivate, and guide their teams effectively. By integrating strictness and tolerance into daily actions, leaders not only improve their own performance but also create an environment where others can thrive. The result is a culture of trust, accountability, and continuous growth—a hallmark of exceptional leadership.
Leading with Compassion and Balance
Leadership is as much an art as it is a science. At its best, it’s a dynamic interplay between self-discipline and tolerance, between setting high standards for oneself and showing understanding toward others. The Stoic principle “Be strict with yourself and tolerant with others” encapsulates this balance, offering a timeless framework for cultivating leadership that is both compassionate and effective.
Why This Principle Matters
The workplace is full of challenges—tight deadlines, conflicting priorities, and the need to innovate in a rapidly changing environment. In such circumstances, leaders must remain a steadying force. Being strict with yourself ensures you lead with integrity, consistency, and purpose. Meanwhile, being tolerant with others fosters trust, resilience, and collaboration within the team.
These dual qualities are not contradictory but complementary. Strictness provides the structure and accountability needed to achieve goals, while tolerance creates the psychological safety required for growth, creativity, and problem-solving. Together, they form the foundation of leadership that inspires and empowers.
Practical Takeaways for Everyday Leadership
Model the Behavior You Expect: Leadership starts with personal accountability. Set the standard by embodying the discipline, focus, and integrity you wish to see in your team.
Show Empathy in Action: Tolerance is not about lowering expectations but about understanding and supporting others as they strive to meet them.
Reflect and Adjust: Leadership is a journey of continuous improvement. Regularly assess how well you balance strictness and tolerance, and be willing to adapt.
The Broader Impact of Balanced Leadership
When leaders embody the balance of strictness and tolerance, they create ripple effects that extend far beyond individual interactions. They foster teams that are motivated yet resilient, disciplined yet creative, and high-performing yet deeply human. These teams, in turn, drive organizational success while cultivating an environment where people feel valued, supported, and empowered to grow.
This leadership style also has a personal impact. Leaders who practice self-discipline and tolerance develop deeper self-awareness, emotional intelligence, and fulfillment in their roles. They become not just managers of tasks but mentors and guides who leave a lasting positive legacy.
The challenge for leaders is not to achieve perfection but to strive for balance. Start small: set one area in which you can be stricter with yourself—perhaps improving your time management or committing to active listening. Then identify one way to show more tolerance to others—whether through constructive feedback, offering support, or simply practicing patience.
Leadership grounded in the Stoic principle of self-discipline and compassion is not just about managing others—it’s about becoming the best version of yourself while empowering those around you to do the same. By embracing this balance, you can lead with clarity, strength, and heart, creating a workplace where excellence and empathy coexist.
Take the first step today: reflect on your leadership style, and make one intentional change to lead with compassion and balance. The rewards—for you, your team, and your organization—will be transformative.
